Some of you may remember 'Over In The West', a Mick Thomas musical that I appeared in a few years ago. Well, we're at it again!

The Clip Clop Club are on holiday during March-April while Stretch goes off to perform in a wonderful play called 'The Tank' in venues all over Victoria including The Apollo Bay Festival where the Clippers are also performing.

The Tank' is written by Steve Thomas with music by his brother Mick (Weddings, Parties, Anything).

It features a bluegrass backing band and tells the story of Dora, a young country lass who marries Roy, a violent, alcoholic timber worker. She struggles to raise her 6 kids in the face of her husband's lack of interest and his refusal to ever buy her a big enough water tank.

I play their eldest boy, Harold, who is born with one leg shorter than the other. My father rejects me and I go off the rails until finally I have to leave the state to avoid a long jail sentence. Eventually I become a successful car salesman and c&w singer on The Gold Coast.

I buy mum the tank she always dreamed of.

Its a wonderful piece of theatre. Funny, sad, angry and more. As Mick says "Its music for people who never go to see bands and theatre for people who never go to see plays".

We've done 4 seasons in Tassie which is unheard of for any piece of indigenous theatre in that state and we have packed it out every time. Its that good. Here's what some of the reviewers said...

"A Tasmanian Dimboola! The best and most important piece of theatre Tasmania has yet produced," Richard Flanagan (author and film director).

The Tank is that rare combination of a compelling story delivered with real compassion and humour by a fantastic cast and with the backing of an awesome band. Don't miss it!" Martin Walch (Hobart Mercury).

The best, most sympathetic and funniest play about life in Tasmania I have seen." Duncan Kerr, Tasmanian Minister for the Arts.

We'd love to see you there. Booking details to follow. I have limited freebies and must give them to the unemployed and pensioners.

 


Now move The Barby to "Learn a Song' and replace what's in there with this.....

A friend was over the other day. We stood on the deck overlooking the above ground lap pool and spa. He wore Rivers loafers. I wore thongs. I was tending the barby. For what seemed like hours we stood and stared into the hot rocks below the grill, lost in our own thoughts, the blackened bars contrasting with glowing red that seemed to draw us closer.

Finally my friend spoke. He said; "I hate barbies".

"Why", I asked.

"I just think they're over-rated".

"What do you see when you look at the barby?"

"A barby".

"When I look at a barby, I see Australia", I said.

"The steak and the chops remind me of our cattle, wool and live sheep export industries. Industries which made this country great.

The bread reminds me that Australia's wheat farmers are the most efficient in the world.

When I look at the rissole I see multicultural Australia for no matter what gets thrown into the mix what comes out is beautiful.

The hot plate, deep and black and old as time reminds me of the first Australians... the aborigines. The yellow of the mustard, the red of the tomato and the black of the burnt burger remind me of their flag and the holes in the gas burners are like dot paintings to me.

When I see a sausage, a mystery bag, I see our vast interior and the mysteries that lie there undiscovered still. The fork that pricks the sausage reminds me how we love to prick the pompous and the hypocritical and it reminds me how much I'd like to stab pricks like Howard, Reith and Jason Akermanis. The fat that drips from the holes in the sausage remind me of Casey Donovan, Courtney and all the other fat Australian idols... Maggie Tabberer, Hewie and Shane Warne.

When I look at the barbies two wheels I think of great Australian champions like Wayne Gardiner, Mick Doohan and the late Barry Sheen.

The barby has 4 legs and those 4 legs remind me of the 4 inspiring principles that our great country was founded on- rum, sodomy and the lash... and edumacation.

When I pick up the sauce I'm reminded of the blood spilt by our brave boys at the Milperra Bikie Massacre and more recently in the Melbourne gang wars.

In the foaming head on a beer I see our sun swept surf beaches and in the bubbles I see Harold Holt except the bubbles rise to the surface. On the outside of my frosted glass the dew reminds me of Balaclava and when I smell the onions I smell childhood days at the beach with mum and dad, winter days at the local footy or Bunnings on Saturday morning.

The Flipper in my hand reminds me again of Warnie, and our marvelous dolphins at Monkey Mia.

As I look at high priced fillets of croc, Emu and Roo I'm reminded of our unique wildlife and my dream that one day I'll taste platypus.

The grilled eggplant and fruit kebabs remind me of Sydney's thriving gay community and the honey soy chicken wings remind me to feed the kids first. Kids, the future of our nation.

So you see, this isn't just a barby. Its a history book, an atlas, a snapshot of Australia then and now, a good mate and a never changing reminder of all that's good about this great brown land and when you say 'I hate barbies' you're really saying 'I hate Australia'...'I hate myself'...Australia... my country... your country... our home... our mother.... and you can get the fuck off my property".