History Of The Band

History Of The Band -

THE TRUE STORY OF THE CLIP CLOP CLUB

PART 1

Once upon a time in the marvelous City of Melbourne, 3 louts who were no longer boys called Gary and Chris and Wes played in a bar band. It might have been called The Luv or The Sex Flintstones but it was so long ago that no one can really remember.

Gary had met Chris beside a bonfire at the back of the Marlo Hotel (“where The Snowy meets the sea”) some years earlier and they had discovered a mutual love of beer and singing and guitars and girls. Most importantly, they both loved being the centre of attention in a room full of people so they had been making bands ever since. These bands didn’t make any money but they were such fun that Gary and Chris kept on making them. When Chris’s brother Wesley moved from The Golden City of Bendigo to Marvelous Melbourne he just automatically ended up in their bands.

Now Chris, who had long red hair and a good heart, worked as a home-helper for Prahran City Council and one of his clients was a little old blind man named Big Jim. Chris said to Gary, over and over again “You ought to hear this old bastard sing!” and one day Gary did.

It was in the beer garden of The Baden Powell Hotel in Victoria St, Richmond. Chris brought Big Jim along to listen to the bar band and afterwards, in the beer garden, Big Jim led everyone in rousing choruses of Kum-bay-aa, Michael Row The Boat Ashore, Swing Low Sweet Chariot and other campfire favorites.

Gary had such good fun on that warm summer night that he had an idea. “I could do a band with this bloke”, he thought. “People will really go for a little old blind bloke who can sing. I could be sitting on a goldmine!"

Now, for some time Gary, Chris and Wes had been thinking about a 4^th singer so they could do 4 part harmonies. Gary had always wanted to learn the songs that he had heard as a kiddy on his grandma’s 78rpm record player. Songs by Bing Crosby, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and The Sons of the Pioneers… all the old singing cowboys who’s movies had been on telly heaps when he was a boy in the early 60s. Songs like Ghost Riders in the Sky, Cool Clear Water, Mule Train and Tumbling Tumbleweeds… songs that dripped with gorgeous harmonies and melodies!

On the 8^th of February, 1988 our 4 heroes got together and had their first rehearsal in Jim’s little bed-sit. It was in the housing commission flats in Demurska St, Prahran but if you ever go there, you won’t find it. They pulled it down and built housing for people with more money than Big Jim but that’s a story for another day…

Will our 4 heroes achieve fame and fortune playing music that no-one but Gary really cares about?

What dark secrets lie behind Big Jim’s blindness?

How did Gary , Chris and Wes react when Big Jim started getting all the girls?

PART 2

Eventually, after about 6 months of meeting every Wednesday in Jim’s bed-sit to sing the same 10 songs Gary, Chris, Wes and Big Jim as he had become known (It started out as Biggus Jimmus, a derivative of Biggus Diccus in Monty Python’s “The Life of Brian”) decided to do a gig.

Now popular Melbourne musician, poet, bon vivant, wine lover and anti Zionist Paul Madigan had opened a wine bar in Sydney Rd, Brunswick (now a pizza shop) and was happy for the lads to peddle their polished cowboy ditties to his red wine soaked clientele and so the legend began to grow. Actor Steve Bisley became a regular fan.

But something was missing. With only 4 people in the band each of them was making far too much money so it was decided to get a rhythm section... bass and drums. “Why stop there?” said $tretch. “Let’s get a piano and become a 7-piece band playing music that no-one wants to hear except a few pissed old farts. That way guarantees that we’ll only be in it for the fun!”

So they did. Lofty Daytona joined on bass. Chuck Wagon played the drums and Graham “Thumbs” Lewis stole a toy keyboard from the drummer’s 2yo son and away they went.

Their first gig as a 7 piece was also their first gig amplified. At Madigan’s they just walked around the bar playing acoustically like a gigantic busking band. It was a night $tretch will never forget. The nerves! The mistakes! The adrenaline rush! Double grouse!

It was February 11, 1989. That night after the show the boys had a few beers to celebrate. In fact, they got shitfaced. $tretch got home, crawled into bed and promptly passed out into that comatose state that only a seasoned musician who’s had an excellent gig can go to.

A short time later $tretch was woken by his then wife with the words “I’m havin’ it!”

She was pregnant at the time and “it” was about to become $tretch’s beautiful daughter, Ella.

Now $tretch was in no state to drive. He was barely in any state at all. His missus had the double indignity of driving herself to the hospital and then walking in with a pissed buffoon, wreaking of alcohol, alongside her. For 14 hours $tretch sat in The Royal Women’s Hospital Birthing Centre, slowly sobering up and feeling sicker and sicker. His wife grunted and heaved and held his hand/crushed his hand. When a particularly severe contraction occurred she’d say things like.... “Eeeeaaaarrrghhh. You bastard! You did this to me!” until eventually, just as they were about to do a caesarian, out popped a beautiful little baby girl.

Despite his throbbing head, nausea and parched throat $tretch thought “A new band and a new baby daughter. This has been a top day!”

( To Be Continued .... )